--- title: "Nice is Unkind: Why Real Leadership Requires Courage" description: In Be Kind, Gui Costin explains why being “nice” can undermine leadership—and how courage, clarity, and high standards build winning teams. image: https://blog.guicostin.com/hubfs/blogTwo.jpg --- [![GuiCostinLogo](https://blog.guicostin.com/hubfs/GuiCostinLogo.svg) ](https://www.guicostin.com/) - [Books](https://www.guicostin.com/books) - [Podcast](https://www.guicostin.com/podcast-listing?hsCacheBuster=10754) - [Blog](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog) - [Be Kind](https://www.guicostin.com/be-kind) [![GuiCostinLogo](https://blog.guicostin.com/hubfs/GuiCostinLogo.svg) ](https://www.guicostin.com/) ** - (610) 764-0538 - (610) 764-0538 - [ Books ](https://www.guicostin.com/books) - [ Podcast ](https://www.guicostin.com/podcast-listing?hsCacheBuster=10754) - [ Blog ](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog) - [ Be Kind ](https://www.guicostin.com/be-kind) [ Leadership](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/tag/leadership) February 17, 2026 # Nice is Unkind: Why Real Leadership Requires Courage [** ](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?original_referer=https%3A%2F%2Fblog.guicostin.com%2Fthe-gui-costin-blog%2Fnice-is-unkind-why-real-leadership-requires-courage&url=) [** ](https://www.linkedin.com/shareArticle?mini=true&url=https%3A%2F%2Fblog.guicostin.com%2Fthe-gui-costin-blog%2Fnice-is-unkind-why-real-leadership-requires-courage) [** ](mailto:?subject=Check+out+https%3A%2F%2Fblog.guicostin.com%2Fthe-gui-costin-blog%2Fnice-is-unkind-why-real-leadership-requires-courage&body=Check+out+https%3A%2F%2Fblog.guicostin.com%2Fthe-gui-costin-blog%2Fnice-is-unkind-why-real-leadership-requires-courage) ** Let me say something that might surprise you: Being nice is often unkind. I know that sounds backwards. But if you’re in leadership and you really think about it, you’ll understand exactly what I mean. In life, and especially in leadership, the kindest thing you can do is make sure everyone knows what “good” looks like. Most leaders don’t do that. Why? Because they’re too nice. They don’t want to hurt feelings, they don’t want awkward conversations, and they don’t want tension. So they stay quiet. That’s not kindness. That’s avoidance. ## Clarity is Kindness When you don’t clearly define what good looks like, you are doing your team a disservice. You’re leaving them guessing, you’re lowering the standard, and you’re allowing mediocrity. Kindness is being straightforward and transparent. It’s saying: *“Here’s the standard. Here’s what excellence looks like. And I care enough about you to hold you to it.”* That’s not shaming and it’s not putting people down. That’s leadership. ## Core Principles Define “Good” If you don’t establish your core principles, you can’t define what good looks like. And if you can’t define what good looks like, you can’t lead. When I was coaching golf, I learned this: You can be a good person and still hold the highest standards. Kindness doesn’t mean sacrificing your principles. It means protecting them. ## Always Ask One Question What’s in the best interest of my teammates? **Not:** *Will they like me?* *Will this be uncomfortable?* **But:** *Will this help them grow?* Nice protects feelings in the moment. Kind protects futures. If you care about your team, choose courage over comfort. That’s leadership. *[Explore more leadership themes in Gui's book, "Be Kind" here!](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1544549652?ref=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_2EF0FS0ABKFAW5PBGAFM&ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_2EF0FS0ABKFAW5PBGAFM&social_share=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_2EF0FS0ABKFAW5PBGAFM&bestFormat=true)* ### Related Content ![](https://blog.guicostin.com/hubfs/raw_assets/public/Costin/Images/yellowArrowLeft.svg) ![](https://blog.guicostin.com/hubfs/raw_assets/public/Costin/Images/yellowArrowRight.svg) - ### [The 10 Reasons Private Markets Data Has Been Out of Reach - And How Dakota Changed That](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/the-10-reasons-private-markets-data-has-been-out-of-reach-and-how-dakota-changed-that) [ Read More **](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/the-10-reasons-private-markets-data-has-been-out-of-reach-and-how-dakota-changed-that) - [ Fundraising Best Practices](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/tag/fundraising-best-practices) ### [The Magic of 25 Asks a Day: Why Consistency (and Rejection) Will Set You Up For Investment Sales Success](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/the-magic-of-25-asks-a-day-why-consistency-and-rejection-will-set-you-up-for-investment-sales-success) [ Read More **](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/the-magic-of-25-asks-a-day-why-consistency-and-rejection-will-set-you-up-for-investment-sales-success) - [ Raising Capital](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/tag/raising-capital) [ Fundraising Best Practices](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/tag/fundraising-best-practices) ### [Why Relationships Still Win in Private Equity: The City Scheduling Advantage](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/why-relationships-still-win-in-private-equity-the-city-scheduling-advantage) [ Read More **](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/why-relationships-still-win-in-private-equity-the-city-scheduling-advantage) - [ Leadership](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/tag/leadership) ### [The Biggest Mistake CEOs Make Related to Sales](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/the-biggest-mistake-ceos-make-related-to-sales) [ Read More **](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/the-biggest-mistake-ceos-make-related-to-sales) - ### [Top 10 Reasons Investment Firms Must Build a Family Office Strategy - Strating Now](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/top-10-reasons-investment-firms-must-build-a-family-office-strategy-strating-now) [ Read More **](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/top-10-reasons-investment-firms-must-build-a-family-office-strategy-strating-now) - [ Leadership](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/tag/leadership) ### [The Top 7 Things an Executive Recruiter Can Get Out of Dakota Marketplace](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/the-top-7-things-an-executive-recruiter-can-get-out-of-dakota-marketplace) [ Read More **](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/the-top-7-things-an-executive-recruiter-can-get-out-of-dakota-marketplace) - [ Leadership](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/tag/leadership) ### [We Rebuilt 50 Web Pages in 3 Days. Here’s What Happened.](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/we-rebuilt-50-web-pages-in-3-days.-heres-what-happened) [ Read More **](https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/we-rebuilt-50-web-pages-in-3-days.-heres-what-happened) [** (610) 764-0539](tel:%20(610)%20764-0539) [** Gui@dakotaLive.com ](mailto:Gui@dakotaLive.com) [**](https://www.linkedin.com/in/guicostin/) [**](https://www.instagram.com/allthingsfundraising?igsh=dWtueTcwdTVzbG5w) [**](https://www.youtube.com/@AllThingsFundraisingByDakota) ![GUI SIGNATURE-3](https://blog.guicostin.com/hubfs/GUI%20SIGNATURE-3.svg) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Gui Costin", "url" : "https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/author/gui-costin" }, "dateModified" : "2026-02-24T16:47:14.824Z", "datePublished" : "2026-02-17T13:30:00.000Z", "headline" : "Nice is Unkind: Why Real Leadership Requires Courage", "image" : [ "https://blog.guicostin.com/hubfs/blogTwo.jpg" ], "mainEntityOfPage" : { "@id" : "https://blog.guicostin.com/the-gui-costin-blog/nice-is-unkind-why-real-leadership-requires-courage", "@type" : "WebPage" }, "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject" }, "name" : "Dakota- guicostin.com" } } ```